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@harrisonqian / Connection & Community Playbook / wiki/introductions.md
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--- visibility: public-edit --- # the art of the introduction introducing people well is one of the highest-leverage social skills. see [[books-resources]] for books that go deeper on connection. a good introduction creates a new relationship. a bad one wastes two people's time and spends your social capital. --- ## the double opt-in intro the single most important rule of introductions: **ask both people before connecting them.** ### how it works 1. you think person A and person B should know each other 2. message person A: "hey, i know someone named [B] who [relevant context]. i think you two would hit it off because [specific reason]. would you be up for an intro?" 3. wait for person A to say yes 4. message person B with the same pitch 5. wait for person B to say yes 6. only then send the intro email/message ### why this matters - respects both people's time and inbox - gives both people context and a reason to engage - lets someone gracefully decline without the awkwardness of being on a cc'd email they didn't want - preserves your reputation as someone who makes quality introductions ### the blind intro problem the alternative — just cc'ing two people and saying "you two should meet!" — puts both people in an awkward position. neither asked for this. neither has context. someone has to do the work of figuring out why they're talking. it's lazy and it burns social capital. --- ## the anatomy of a good introduction a great intro email/message has four parts: ### 1. context about each person not a resume. a human description of what they're about and why they're interesting. **bad:** "meet sarah — she's a product manager at google." **good:** "meet sarah — she's been thinking a lot about how AI changes the way teams make decisions. she ran a bunch of experiments at google on this." ### 2. why these two specifically the connection should be obvious and specific. if you can't articulate why they should meet, don't introduce them. **bad:** "you're both in tech, so you should chat!" **good:** "you're both building tools for community organizers and approaching it from completely different angles — i think comparing notes would be genuinely useful." ### 3. a suggested next step don't leave it open-ended. give them something to do. **bad:** "i'll let you two take it from here!" **good:** "sarah, maybe you could share that doc you mentioned about your AI experiment results? i think marcus would find it directly relevant to what he's building." ### 4. a graceful exit after sending the intro, get out of the way. you don't need to be in the conversation. **template:** > hey [A] and [B], > > wanted to connect you two. [A] — [1-2 sentences about B and what they're working on]. [B] — [1-2 sentences about A and what they're working on]. > > i think you'd have a great conversation about [specific topic] because [specific reason]. > > i'll let you two take it from here — [suggested next step]. --- ## when NOT to introduce people ### they didn't ask if someone doesn't want to meet new people right now, respect that. some people are in heads-down mode and another "you should meet..." email is noise. ### the connection is vague "you're both interesting" is not a reason. "you're both in SF" is not a reason. if the only connection is demographic or geographic, skip it. ### one person is way more senior introducing a college student to a CEO with "you should chat!" puts the senior person in an uncomfortable position. they get 50 of these a week. if you're going to make an asymmetric intro, there needs to be a clear value proposition for the senior person — not just "this person wants your advice." ### you're doing it to seem connected if the intro is more about you looking like a connector than about genuine value for both people, they can tell. stop. ### you don't know both people well enough if you haven't had a real conversation with both people, you don't have enough context to make a quality introduction. introducing two people based on their linkedin profiles is a waste of everyone's time. --- ## the pre-conversation questionnaire ("basic info exchanger") an idea for structured intros: before two people meet, they each fill out a brief form with basic context. eliminates the first 10 minutes of "so what do you do?" — a structured alternative to [[icebreakers]] ### what to include - what you're working on right now - what you're most excited about - what you're looking for (advice, collaborators, friends, customers) - one thing you'd love to talk about - one thing you can help with ### when this makes sense - before a structured [[event-formats|networking event]] (send the form to all attendees, share responses) - before a double opt-in intro (include each person's answers in the intro) - before a 1-on-1 coffee meeting with someone you don't know well ### when this is overkill - casual social settings - meeting friends of friends - any context where filling out a form would feel weird --- ## being introduced well the other side of the equation: how to behave when someone introduces you. ### respond quickly whether the intro happens over email or in an [[online-community|online community]], reply within 24 hours. even if it's just "thanks for connecting us! [person], would love to chat — here's my calendly / how about tuesday?" ### reference the connector "[connector] mentioned you're working on [thing] — i'd love to hear more about that." this validates the intro and gives the conversation a starting point. ### actually follow through this is where [[relationship-maintenance]] begins. if you agree to meet, meet. canceling or ghosting after someone vouched for you burns the connector's social capital, not just yours. ### report back after the meeting, text the connector: "hey, great intro — we had a really good conversation about [topic]. thanks for connecting us." this is uncommon enough that it makes you memorable and encourages more intros. --- ## becoming known as a great introducer if you consistently make high-quality introductions, people start sending opportunities your way — you become a hub for [[building-community|community]] — because they know you'll connect them to the right person. **the key:** quality over quantity. 3 great introductions per month > 20 random ones. every bad intro dilutes your reputation as a connector. **the habit:** when you meet someone interesting, ask yourself: "who do i know that this person should meet?" if someone comes to mind immediately and the reason is specific, file it away and make the intro (double opt-in, always). **the signal:** the best connectors are the ones who introduce people with zero expectation of anything in return. if you're keeping score, you're doing it wrong.