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@harrisonqian / Young Builder Resources / wiki/mentorship-networking.md
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--- visibility: public-edit --- # mentorship & networking the people you know determine the opportunities you get. this is true at every age, but especially true as a teen because you don't yet have a track record. the right introduction can change your trajectory more than any program or credential. but networking as a teen is awkward. you're reaching out to adults who are busy, you don't have much to offer yet, and the power dynamic is weird. here's how to do it without being cringe. ## cold outreach that works the #1 mistake teens make in cold outreach: making it about themselves. "hi, I'm a high school student interested in AI and I'd love to pick your brain" — this is what every ambitious teen sends. it tells the recipient nothing about why they should respond, and it asks for their most valuable resource (time) without offering anything in return. here's what actually works: ### the formula 1. **specific compliment about their work.** not "I love your company" but "your paper on X changed how I think about Y" or "I saw your talk at Z and your point about W was something I hadn't considered." 2. **what you're working on that's relevant.** "I'm building [specific thing] that relates to [their work] because [specific reason]." 3. **a specific, small ask.** not "can we meet" but "I had one question about [specific technical thing] — would you have 5 minutes sometime?" ### examples **bad:** > Hi Dr. Smith, I'm a junior at XYZ High School and I'm really passionate about neuroscience. I'd love to learn more about your research. Would you be willing to chat? **good:** > Hi Dr. Smith, I read your 2024 [[publishing-research|paper]] on CNN-based EEG classification and tried to reproduce your results using the PhysioNet dataset. I'm getting similar accuracy on the training set but my model overfits badly on the held-out data. I'm wondering if you did any specific regularization beyond what's described in the methods section — would you have 5 minutes to point me in the right direction? the first email is forgettable. the second shows you've done real work and have a specific, answerable question. busy people respond to specific questions. ### the numbers game even with a great email, expect a ~10-20% response rate from cold outreach. this means you need to send volume. 50 thoughtful emails to people in your area of interest is reasonable. customize each one — templates get ignored. ### follow-up follow up once after 5-7 days if you don't hear back. after that, stop. more than one follow-up is annoying. ## the tiered relationship system not all relationships need the same investment. think of your network in tiers: ### tier 1: close mentors (2-3 people) these are people who know you well, care about your development, and you talk to regularly (weekly or biweekly). they're the ones you call when you need real advice. finding these people is hard and takes time — they usually emerge from working together, not from cold outreach. ### tier 2: active advisors (5-10 people) people who know your work, will respond to your emails, and you check in with every month or two. they'll make introductions for you and give advice when asked. these often start as cold outreach that turned into a genuine connection. ### tier 3: warm contacts (30-50 people) people you've met, had a real conversation with, and could email without re-introducing yourself. you might interact a few times a year. these come from events, programs, and communities. ### tier 4: loose network (hundreds) people who know of you or who you know of. twitter mutuals, people you've met briefly at events, friends of friends. this layer is maintained through public building — sharing your work online. the key insight: **most networking advice focuses on tier 3 and 4 ("work the room") when the real value is in tier 1 and 2.** ## how to not be cringe the fastest way to make adults take you seriously as a teen: ### do - **show your work.** having a github, a personal site, or a [[shipping-products|project]] you can point to is worth more than any introduction. - **be direct.** "I built X, I'm trying to figure out Y, I think you could help because Z" is better than beating around the bush. - **follow through.** if someone gives you advice or an introduction, follow up and tell them what happened. this is rare and memorable. - **be honest about what you don't know.** "I'm not sure if this approach makes sense" is more mature than pretending you know everything. - **respect their time.** 15-minute asks > 1-hour asks. email > meeting. don't ask someone to get coffee when an email would suffice. ### don't - **don't name-drop.** "I know [famous person]" makes you look like you're trying too hard. let your work speak. - **don't ask for favors before building a relationship.** "can you introduce me to [your famous friend]" as a first message is a non-starter. - **don't perform maturity.** using corporate jargon and "professional" language makes you sound like you're cosplaying an adult. just talk normally. - **don't mass-send identical emails.** people can tell. it's insulting. - **don't be transactional.** relationships that exist purely for what you can extract from them are obvious and off-putting. ## conference and event networking for teens, the best events are: - **[[competitions-hackathons|hackathons]].** you're literally building together. natural relationship formation. - **demo days.** watching other people's projects gives you conversation starters. - **meetups.** especially niche ones ("SF AI meetup" is too big; "SF neurotech meetup" is right). - **office hours.** many VCs, founders, and researchers do public office hours. these are designed for cold contacts to ask questions. ### at events 1. **ask questions after talks.** thoughtful questions get you noticed. 2. **help with things.** volunteer to help organize. offer to help someone debug their demo. 3. **follow up within 24 hours.** "nice to meet you" emails should be sent the same day. 4. **don't try to meet everyone.** two real conversations are worth more than twenty handshakes. ## online relationship building the internet makes it possible to build relationships with people anywhere in the world. the formula: 1. **build in public.** share what you're working on — twitter, blog posts, github. this is passive networking. 2. **engage thoughtfully with other people's work.** thoughtful replies, [[open-source|code reviews]], and feedback build relationships faster than likes. 3. **be helpful.** answer questions in [[communities]], help debug other people's code, share resources. the most connected people are the most helpful people. 4. **dm with substance.** "your project is cool" is forgettable. "I forked your project and added X — here's the PR" is unforgettable. ## finding mentors specifically mentors are not found through programs or matching services. they emerge from genuine interactions. ### where mentors come from - someone you worked with (at a [[competitions-hackathons|hackathon]], on an [[open-source]] project, at a [[summer-programs|internship]]) - someone whose work you engaged with deeply and a conversation developed - a teacher or professor who noticed your work - an older builder in your community who you naturally gravitated toward ### what mentors actually do - give you honest feedback (not just encouragement) - open doors you can't open yourself - help you think through decisions - share their mistakes so you don't repeat them - push you when you're coasting ### what mentors DON'T do - hold your hand through every decision - do the work for you - guarantee outcomes the best mentor relationships feel like friendships between people at different stages, not teacher-student dynamics. you're bringing something too — fresh perspective, energy, sometimes technical skills they don't have.