Suggest edit — What Every Body is Saying

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title: "What Every Body is Saying"
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# What Every Body is Saying

Category: [[social|Social]]

[Read the original document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nlBLMdF3P8URpxiUXeoAqvoPFoQ0EBbVev0vMOmZnY8/edit?usp=sharing&sa=D&ust=1596495076364000&usg=AOvVaw26jsQH6yKaDqNDTV1Ljm72)

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Standards:
* High Confidence vs. Low Confidence
* High Status vs. Low Status
* Comfort vs. Discomfort
* Pacifying Behaviors  
* Anxiety / Stress / Tension revealing behavior
* Gravity Defying
* Change as a magnifier of indicators
Bodyparts:
1. Feet and Legs
   1. Happy Feet - Feet that wiggle and bounce with joy, High Confidence tell
   2. Directed Feet
      1. Feet turn toward things that are agreeable
      2. Feet turn away from disagreeable things, usually towards an exit
      3. If someone’s body is toward you but feet are away from you, ask yourself why
   3. Knee Clasp - Intention movement that signals an intention to leave.
   4. Gravity Defying behaviors
      1. Toes pointing skyward  - signal positivity. Honest display.
      2. Starter’s Position - Person puts weight on the balls of their feet. Indicates intent to do something physical. 
   5. Leg Splay
      1. In order to establish control or dominance over space, feet and legs splay out. 
      2. Unsplaying legs - can defuse confrontations if both parties are splaying.
      3. Leg Splay - Can establish authority and control over others.
      4. Territorial Imperative - Those with greater wealth or power take up more space. They are also more self assured and confident.
   6. High Comfort Displays
      1. Leg Crossing - Sign of High Comfort. Legs usually crossed in the direction of the person we like the most.
   7. Courtship
      1. Shoe Playing - Woman will dangle her shoes from her toes, showing comfort
      2. Seated Leg Cross - The direction of the cross is important. If the thigh is a barrier, it shows displeasure or discomfort. 
   8. Walking Style
      1. Walking can be brisk and intentional, or bewildered. We can stroll, amble, saunter, plod, waddle, limp, shuffle, prowl, bustle, march, swagger, and many more.
   9. Shift in Leg Movement
      1. Shift to Leg Kicking - Usually indicates a negative reaction.
      2. Foot Freeze - Leg movement suddenly stops. Signifies stress or an emotional change, or a threat.
   10. Foot Lock vc  and Leave
      1. Toes Inward, Interlocked Feet - Shows insecurity or anxiousness. Person may feel threatened or under stress. Worse for Males.
      2. Hiding Feet - Shows discomfort and high stress. 
2. Torso, Hips, Chest, Shoulders
   1. Torso Lean
      1. Torso will lean away from dangers, people who are stressful or unwanted.
      2. Torso Blade - The torso will angle away from things that we dislike.
      3. Couples distancing emotionally will lean away from each other when sitting side by side.
   2. Ventral Denial, Ventral Fronting.
      1. Ventral Denial - Physical distancing from a person can lead to refusing to expose our front (ventral) side to them. We expose our ventral sides to things that make us feel good. 
      2. When approached by someone we dislike, we deny them ventrally, by shifting slightly to the side.
      3. We demonstrate comfort by leaning in the direction that we favor.
   3. Torso Shield
      1. Using arms or clothing to act as barriers shows dislike and a lack of openness.
      2. Women often cover the torso when insecure, nervous or cautious.
      3. More subtle shielding that shows insecurity is playing with a watch, a cufflink or fixing a tie knot.
   4. Torso Bow
      1. Bowing - Shows subservience, respect and humility. Very important in other cultures.
   5. Clothing
      1. What we wear is extremely important. “Clothing makes the man”.
      2. When choosing your wardrobe, remain cognizant of the message you are sending.
      3. You choose the way that you dress. Embrace your responsibility for it.
      4. When you meet anyone new, all they have to go on is your physical appearance.
   6. Preening/Grooming
      1. Clothing that are soiled and grimey display poor health and depression.
   7. Torso Splays
      1. Splaying out is a territorial dominance display.
      2. Splaying can show disrespect and indifference to authority.
   8. Puffing Up the Chest
      1. Signal of violence to come
      2. Signals anger
   9. Baring the Torso
      1. Removing a garment or article of clothing - people getting ready to strike someone will disrobe
   10. Breathing Behavior
      1. Torso will heave or expand rapidly when a person is under stress. The body attempts to take in as much oxygen as possible.
   11. Shoulder Shrugs
      1. Half shrug - speaker is not committed to what has been said.
      2. Full shrug - people fully support what they are saying. Gravity defying. Confident.
   12. Weak Shoulder Displays
      1. Shoulders move upward to make the neck disappear. Displays a lack of confidence and severe discomfort.
      2. Shown by losing teams, guilty children, guilty or fearful employees. People trying to hide while in view.
3. Arms
   1. Gravity Defying Motions
      1. Gravity defying arms - High confidence, positive feelings
      2. Sinking, drooping shoulders and arms - Negative,  feelings, low confidence
   2. Arm Withdrawl
      1. Change to covering sides or chest with arms - Feelings of fear, such as injury, threat or abuse.
   3. Restrictions of Arm Movement
      1. Arm Freeze - In children, can be a sign of child abuse. Attempt to not be noticed.
      2. Swinging arms - Indicates joy
   4. Arm Cues that Indicate Mood
      1. Low, drooping arms - indicate sadness
      2. Open arms in presence of another person - Warmly reaching out
      3. Arms reaching out from elbows instead of shoulders, with top of arms at the side - indicates lack of excitement in a situation where there should be excitement.
   5. Arm Cues that Isolate
      1. Arms behind back - Indicates superiority, or higher status. Used to show that a person is untouchable. Says ‘do not make contact with me’, you are unworthy of being touched.
   6. Territorial Display of Arms
      1. 4. Hands and Fingers
   1. Thumbs
      1. Thumbs up - High Confidence, Gravity Defying
      2. Thumbs sticking out of pocket - High Confidence, High Status
      3. Thumbs in pockets, rest of hand outside - Very Low Confidence, Low Status
      4. Interlaced Fingers - Low Confidence
      5. “People who use [high status] thumb displays tend to be more aware of their environment, more acute in their thinking, and sharper in their observations”
      6. Genital Framing - Hook thumbs inside front waistband/belt, framing genitals with hands. Dominance display.
   2. Low Confidence Hand displays
      1. Frozen Hands - Liars gesture less, touch less, move arms and legs less. These generate distrust.
      2. Hand Wringing - Pacifying behavior, indicates Stress and Low Confidence
      3. Rubbing hands together - Pacifying behavior, avoiding anxiety or nervousness. Interlacing fingers while rubbing signals even more concern and nervousness.
      4. Neck Touching - Lower confidence, stress relief, pacifying.
      5. Microgestures (quick body language that is covered up) are extremely true indicators of emotion
      6. Hand withdrawal between lovers signals negativity.
5. Face
   1. Negative and Positive Emotional Displays
      1. Jaw Tigtening - Indicates tension
      2. Nose Flaring - Indicates tension
      3. Squinting eyes - Indicates tension
      4. Quivering Mouth - Indicates tension
      5. Lip Occlusion - Indicates Tension
      6. Micro Gestures - Facial cues may be fleeting, hard to pick up
      7. Head tilted to side, revealing neck - high comfort display, often seen in courtship. Shows friendliness, receptiveness.
   2. Eyes
      1. When we see something we like, pupils (black center of eye) dilate (expand). They constrict when we don’t like what we see.
      2. Pupils also dilate and open when we are surprised or aroused.
      3. Squinting reveals negative emotion or dislike. Narrowed eyes block out light and focus our pupils.
      4. Arched Eyebrows - Indicates confidence and positive feelings.
      5. Lowered Eyebrows - Low confidence, negativity.
      6. Very Low Eyebrows - Submissiveness, weakness.
      7. Eye Blocking - Concern, Dislike, Disagreement.
      8. Eye Flash - Short, widely opened eyes showing positive feelings
      9. Eye Gazing - Displays attraction, curiosity or represents a threat.
      10. Looking away in conversation - Usually a sign of comfort, used while thinking without distraction.
      11. Eye Aversion - Deference to authority or to higher status, or a reaction to an embarrassing situation. 
      12. Eye Blink Rate - Quickens when we are nervous or concerned. Increases in reaction to stress.
      13. Looking Askance - Tilted head with side glance or rolling eyes. Shows suspicion or disbelief.
   3. Mouth
      1. Fake Smile - Smile without eyes, without raising of the edges of the mouth. 
      2. Disappearing Lips - Reveals stress and anxiety. 
      3. Lip Purse - Lips coming out, demonstrates disagreement.
      4. Sneer - Displays disdain and disrespect, contempt for other
   4. Tongue
      1. Stuck out to side - Can show immense focus on a task.
      2. Rubbing tongue on lips - Shows stree or discomfort.
      3. Touching lips while thinking - Pacifying. Can be a sign of insecurity.
      4. Tongue Jutting between teeth - Must be interpreted in context, but is used when someone has been caught or has gotten away
   5. Other Facial Nonverbals
      1. Furrowed Forehead - Context dependent, but generally shows anxiety, anger, concern, or can show concentration.
      2. Nose Flaring - Preparation for physical action
      3. Nail Biting - Pacifying behavior. Indicates stress, insecurity or discomfort. 
      4. Blushing - People will blush when caught doing something they know to be wrong.
      5. Blanching (Turning Pale)  - Occurs when we’re in shock. 
   6. Gravity Defying
      1. Chin Down - Lack of Confidence, Negative Sentiment
      2. Chin Up - High Confidence, Positivity
      3. Nose Up - High Confidence
6. Detecting Deception
   1. Creating Comfort
      1. Move objects so that nothing stands between people
      2. Slowly draw closer so that neither person has to talk loudly
      3. Openly display body - Open torso, display insides of arms and legs
      4. Synchrony
         1.  - Similar breathing pattern
         2. Similar tone and pitch of speech
         3. Mirroring
         4. Asynchrony is a barrier to effective communication.
   2. Signs of Discomfort
      1. Hair stands on end
      2. Increased heart rate
      3. Sweating
      4. Increased breathing rate
      5. Physical blocking/building walls
      6. Fidgeting, tapping, feet jiggling
      7. Leaning away while sitting
      8. Pointing feet or torso towards an exit
      9. Rubbing the forehead or neck to pacify
      10. Unusually holding of non-verbal language (long smile, for example)
   3. Synchrony
      1. Look for Synchrony between verbals and non-verbals to detect deception
      2. Head nodding in conflict with words
      3. A ‘late’ head nod, calculated instead of natural.
      4. There should be synchrony between the magnitude of an event and the emotions shown.

Body language is a super power. There's a world of communicated ideas that is just waiting to be observed. Those thoughts are more true and important than the spoken word. 
The first and epochal conclusion is that I should PRACTICE observation. Every moment my eyes are open is an opportunity for making associations between objects and ideas. Those associations lead to inferential information that can help complete my understanding of people, their motives, feelings, passion etc. There is value in all observations. Body language specifically should be analyzed by system 2 as often as possible. I need to train myself in recognition and in portrayal. 
I’ve been interested for a long time on Holmes level observation skills. An important point to realize is that practicing observation is valuable continuously. Every day that I practice or improve a little bit will enhance my conversations and understanding of people by that little bit. So let’s design some observation experiments. Holmes’ father would quiz him on his surroundings. They’d walk into a restaurant and after they sat down he would ask sherlock how many people were wearing hats. Quizzes on unexpected aspects of environment could be really good if I could get people that I was with on board with it. 
        But realistically I’m going to be training myself. I should read a book on observation to make sure I don’t lose interest or focus on it again. If I find a way to make improving observations skills habitual I know I can make some great progress. 
        I may start a conversation journal. The best way to learn how to be social successfully is by talking to a lot of people. But like any other skill, it would be silly to just run around doing it without reflecting on my experiences, my recognitions, what worked and what didn’t, and what I loved about it. Being a good conversationalist starts with material but is really found in a deep understanding of the other person’s tone, thoughts, body language, etc. and being able to bodily and interestingly respond. If I write down the body language poses that I used, how they felt in conversation, what the other person was doing, etc., I’ll have a real incentive to observe them critically. 
        I should compile a list of the body languages and associated emotions/feelings that I see. Most books on body language are actually basically dictionaries or encyclopedias. The have a comunicated pose and a definition with explaination. Reading a book like that could be useful for any journal that I write. Also, rereading the journal as reflection can be fascinating.
        This fbi agent was probably trained. I may be able to access training protocol online, and see what kinds of skills they value. Classic spies have an ability to decieve and a social mask that should be impenetrable. Maybe social experiments where I have to try on different personalities, a bit like in Burn Notice. I’m facing social challenges every day, and the person that I am is occasionally the right person to deal with those challenges but I can usually run somebody else on them to better match their personality. You would never genuinely run yourself on your mom or a slew of other people. Be more systematic about deciding how you’re going to interact with people. 
        
On recognition. People are constantly exhibiting pacification, orienting legs toward, away, over, pointing in directions, using their torsos to signal interest or apathy, distrust or fear by protecting themselves. Take note of how what you say makes them pacify or not pacify. There are so many small and valuable indicators. 
Touching should be a default of human communication. Establish it. Let it be weird when you’re not touching the person you’re talking to. Hearty handshakes with eye contact, slaps on the back or clasps of the shoulder, touches on the arm and head or a hand on the leg, slip physicality into personal communication as much as is productively possible.

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*Source: [Original Google Doc](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nlBLMdF3P8URpxiUXeoAqvoPFoQ0EBbVev0vMOmZnY8/edit?usp=sharing&sa=D&ust=1596495076364000&usg=AOvVaw26jsQH6yKaDqNDTV1Ljm72)*